If you’re a parent and you believe certain myths about teens, you could be harming your teens unintentionally. Many of the parents I’ve talked to over the years You must understand these common myths so you can be a more effective parent to your teens. Here’s the first myth.
Myth 1 (Teens don’t want to spend time with their parents)
Teens don’t want to spend time with their parents. It might seem like teens only want to hang out with their friends. But they do actually want to spend time with their parents, but maybe not in the way you expect.
Teens crave connection with their parents, but their way of seeking out this connection may not be as direct as when they were younger. It’s not uncommon for teens to be moody But when they’re in the mood to talk, seize the moment.
If they like playing video games, join them for a round of their favorite game. Do things together with them that they enjoy. You could even try asking them what they would like to do with you or as a family. and when you spend meaningful time together with your teenagers, try to do more connecting and less criticizing, more listening, and less lecturing. Now, let’s talk about myth number two.
Myth 2(Teens are lazy)
Teens are lazy. One of my teenage coaching clients was extremely lazy when it came to his schoolwork. I’ll call him Charlie. Charlie didn’t seem to care much about school, and he never got good grades. But one day, he tried creating a video game from scratch.
He spent hours and hours every day working on the game. He displayed tremendous determination and work ethic. Over time, many people started playing his video game and he plans to turn it into a sustainable business. It’s easy to label teens as lazy, especially when it seems like they’re glued to their phones, tablets, or computers all the time.
But teens can be very hardworking when it’s something they find meaningful. It just so happens that some teens don’t think school is very meaningful. These same teens might spend hundreds of hours drawing, editing videos, or playing the guitar.
I’m not saying teenagers shouldn’t fulfill their responsibility as students. I’m just saying it’s vital that teens develop a sense of purpose. Leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore talks about the importance of young people having opportunities to serve people and solve problems.
I’ve spent many thousands of hours coaching teens one-to-one and I can say that this is true. Teens who find ways to serve people and solve real-world problems always have a sense of purpose, and they’re never lazy. If your teen hates school, let’s talk about the next myth.
Myth 3(teens don’t care about what their parents think)
Myth number three, teens don’t care about what their parents think. during adolescence, teens are trying to define their identity. They experiment with different hobbies, fashion styles, or friend groups as a way of figuring out who they are.
It may seem like they only care about what their friends think of them. But in reality, they care deeply about what you think of them. Most teens are afraid of disappointing their parents. They worry that they won’t be able to live up to the expectations that parents have of them.
I’ve worked with teens who have dropped out of school, started doing drugs, and even committed crimes, but every single one of these teens told me that they still cared about what their parents thought of them.
At the same time, they felt like they had greatly disappointed their parents. They thought their parents had given up on them, so they dealt with their emotional pain in an unhealthy way they became even more rebellious and did things they knew their parents wouldn’t approve of so as a parent, do your best to give your teens encouragement and support and try to also give them the freedom to explore and grow as they journey toward adulthood.
Myth 4 (teens don’t care about learning):
Myth number four, teens don’t care about learning. most teenagers do care about learning, but some of them might not care too much about what they’re being forced to learn in school.
This is especially so when there’s a lot of focus on grades.The more parents and teachers emphasize the importance of grades, the less likely it is that teens will find joy in the process of learning. humans are naturally curious.
Just think about how three-year-olds want to explore everything around them.
They love learning and exploring for the sake of it. However, once children are placed in a school environment where they are frequently graded and assessed, many children lose the intrinsic motivation to learn.
Now, I’m not saying the school system is terrible because I think it is necessary to have some assessments and exams, but the pressure to perform well academically can cause teens to see learning as a chore.
So encourage your teens to explore their interests outside the classroom. This could be anything like art, coding, or cooking. When teenagers discover real-world applications
of their knowledge, they’ll become more engaged learners.
Myth 5 (teens are self-centered and entitled):
Myth number five, teens are self-centered and entitled. I once worked with a teenage girl whose parents thought she was extremely self-centered. I’ll call this girl Anne.
Anne was getting bad grades in school, and she spent at least eight hours on her phone every day.
She was also disrespectful toward her parents. Anne’s parents thought she was on the wrong path in almost every possible way. but as I spoke to Anne, I realized that she was kind, compassionate, and thoughtful she had a good friend who was going through a tough time.
This friend’s family was struggling financially. Anne spent hours thinking about how she could help this friend she spent a significant amount of her own money to buy school supplies for this friend. she even approached other people and got them to chip in so that this friend would have all the necessary school supplies.
I’ve worked with countless teenagers like Anne, teenagers who seemed self-centered and entitled, but who had many positive traits. So sometimes, it’s a good idea to intentionally ignore your teen’s bad behavior if the behavior isn’t too serious.
Instead, focus on your teen’s redeeming qualities. acknowledge and appreciate your teen’s good behavior and attitude when you observe it. with this approach, your teen’s behavior and attitude will improve over time.
Myth 6(teens are irresponsible):
Myth number six, teens are irresponsible. you might be pulling your hair out over your teen’s lack of responsibility when it comes to schoolwork, chores, house rules, et cetera.
But at the same time, I’ve worked with many teenagers who seemed irresponsible, but who were extremely responsible when it came to their part-time jobs.
They showed up for work on time, they listened carefully to their supervisor’s instructions, they did more than what was expected of them, even though they were not going to be paid more for the extra effort.
It goes back to what we talked about earlier, the importance of serving people and solving real problems. most jobs allow teenagers to do this, which explains why most teenagers are responsible at work. so when you communicate with your teens about their responsibilities try not to emphasize the fact that there are things they just have to do.
Instead, whenever possible, frame it in terms of contribution and serving others.
In the long run, this approach works better even when it comes to discussing things like schoolwork and chores.